My Mother's Daughter-Thanksgiving Bittersweetness

I am Joni Taylor, daughter of Sonia Mehler. I was the first person to ever call her Mom! And I was also one of her biggest tester's of what we call, "Love, unconditionally". As I have been reflecting daily in my conversations with G-d, (May G-d remember the soul of my Mother...), I'd like to share some excerpts from my journal, since most of you have already heard most of my favorite Mom stories:

"She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went. It's easier to feel the sunlight without them, she said."

This was written to describe her incredible generosity of herself. Her whole self.

During the last few weeks in hospice, I spent as much time as I could with her:

"The day she first told me she was starting to disappear, I didn't believe her and so she stopped and held her hand up to the sun and it was thin like paper in the light and I finally said you seem very calm for a woman who is disappearing and she said she was sad but relieved too after these last few years of trying to keep the pieces of her life in one place. Later on I went to see her again and as I was leaving she put a package in my hand. This is the last piece of my life she said. Take good care of it, and she smiled and was gone and the room filled with the sound of the wind and when I opened the package there was nothing there and I thought there must be some mistake or maybe I dropped it and I got down on my hands and knees and looked until the light began to fade, and then slowly I felt pieces of my life fall away and suddenly I began to understand what she meant and I lay there for a long time crying and laughing at the same time."

And to sum up how I feel right now:

"There was a whole world here once, but some of the smaller parts left on personal business and it's not that easy to find replacements".

I can not imagine having a different Mom or a different experience. My life, with all of it's imperfection, was perfect for me because of my Mom. She was perfect for me and without her, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I am my Mother's Daughter.