Missing you Mom on Mother's Day

48 years ago she gave me life. 27 years ago, she kinda saved me from my life. This party girl was a little bit chubby, liked her 20 something new found freedom a bit too much, and you'd even see a cigarette dangling from her mouth every now and again. But Mom got tough when I ran out of dough and had to come home after I thought I left for good. She made me run with her. Everyday. (Her answer to everything was sport and she made all of her kids pick a sport at a very young age...or she'd pick it for them). She loved to run and said if I was going to live under her roof now, it was by her rules since she was not obliged to take care of me any more---at least not according to the law. Sigh. No smoking. No driving. AND I had to go to the track with her everyday. I tried to cry my way out of this daily ritual with all my aches and pains of a whiny spoiled child. She said, "You don't have to run---but you have to go with me." She even smiled when she said it. So I'd go to the track and cry and sulk and walk around while she would go jogging passed, all grins. She had 3 pins in one of her ankles from a hiking adventure in Ukiah years ago so she kinda had this cute sideways "gate" to her trot. And I could always hear her coming passed me because she ran with her keys in one hand. Anyway, after 2 weeks of trying to get out of it, I secretly started to like going. Even started jogging. She was faster than I, but I just went at my own pace. HOOKED for life. 6 months later I entered my first Half Marathon and finished in under 2 hours.

Up until the very end of her challenge with pancreatic cancer, years and years beyond her original diagnosis of only a few months (to almost 6 years survival), she and I would go to the track together when I would go visit, which was often. It was such a treat for us both. It was me now, passing her with a smile on my face---but she would beam right back at me...still trotting with her sideways gate and keys jingling. Sometimes she could only do a few laps before leaving to find a restroom (darn chemo)---and I would stay and run and sometimes she'd come back and sometimes I would have to run home. She'd want to know how many miles I did and how fast I was, and how did it feel to be in such a "small body" (her words). Then we'd eat, shower and kick my dad out of bed and watch TV together until we went to sleep with the TV on. My Dad would aways leave us together and he would go and sleep in the guest room or on the couch.

The umbilical chord is still attached. I'm the girl running all over the Truckee Meadows with a chord reaching for the heavens looking like it's attached to the clouds. And everyday on my running escapades i think of her and thank her for giving me life and then saving my life a couple of decades later from my own self destructive path.

Happy Mother's Day Mom! My heart is chipped without you....

Up in The Air

―Up in the Air! Holiday Greetings from the High Sierra Mountains – 2010

Wow! It is amazing that we’re still here in the same place in our little mountain town in Northern Nevada’s High
Sierra Mountains. Probably a record for this Taylor Trio, who by nature has not let the grass grow around our feet very
much in the last decade. The mountains are snow-topped, but we’ve been enjoying a mild December (after an early
Thanksgiving Snow/Cold snap!) and have been riding our bikes outside and enjoying the final days of a very busy year.
If I could use just a few words to describe this year, it would have something to do with Airlines. When the TSA agents
know you by your first name (even your nickname Joni as opposed to your given name Joan), you know you’ve been there
too much!

One of the highlights of all this travel was a very special trip to Costa Rica with Dad, just the two of us. He needed
some dental work done and I went with him. It was a trip of a lifetime and I will be going back (and bringing Mike!).
Costa Rica is a country without an Army, and the government uses the funding which would normally go to military for
education. So there is a whole population of educated people and therefore an amazing middle class. Clean, healthy and
beautiful. We visited volcano’s (there are 113 of them!) and coffee farms and walked everywhere together.

In November, Mike and I made our trip to Marshall and enjoyed visiting with Mom and Dad there. It was funny
because we had just had a cold snap in Reno, so we went to Minnesota to warm up! How about that?

And in the back of my mind, on every single day, my thoughts return to my Mom. I keep waiting for that magical
moment when that ―hole‖ begins to heal, and like every other hurt in my life, it becomes a faded memory. On those days
when it’s really tough, I donate to a charity that she would like, in her memory and head out on a long bike ride or run
and we chat (or actually I talk and she listens), and eventually I actually feel better. But the good news is that this hurt
will never be a faded memory—My Sunny Mom is alive and well in my heart. Joni + Mom= Forever.

So, I am off to Italy in a couple of weeks---it’s a nice way to begin the traveling year. And I am looking forward to a
new decade with the love of my life (that would be the tall, handsome Michael Taylor). And of course, last but hardly
least, Sydney is still brightening our day (and causing grief to the Reno Bunnies, Lizards and Quail in our backyard) and
waking us up bright and early---reminding us of all of our blessings!

With lots of love and High Sierra Sunshine, The Taylor’s wish you a very Happy Holiday Season – 2010!

Taylor Holiday Letter 2009

A Taylor Holiday Greeting from Northern Nevada - 2009

They came to sit and dangle their feet off the edge of the world and soon they thought of nothing but the good and true things they would do someday…

…and if there is anything I learned from 2009, it is that someday is now. I grew up in a very different way this year when I said good-bye to the most important woman in my life. I shared her last breath as she shared my first and if I could put into words how this has impacted my life I would---but words are not so free-flowing. A sweetness, that was “Mom” is gone, and every day I ask G-d to remember the soul of my Mother, Sonia G. Mehler…The love and strength of family and community shined and we mourned her passing and celebrated her life with family and friends. You see, words don’t work...

And now it is time to close the year once again---and even with this big hole in my heart, I feel incredibly blessed. I love my husband and I love my life, and I’ve decided that the happiest people may not have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything that they have! And with that thought, I am a very rich woman and very happy! (And best is subjective anyway!)

We were able to visit Marshall in November and my time with the Taylor’s, always fills me with love. I now have a Grandpa who is 95 and I enjoyed going to visit him every day. We share a profound day (he said good bye to his wife and I to my Mom on the same day, albeit a couple of years apart. And they were also put to rest on the same day a couple of years apart). Interesting that G-d blessed me with my Minnesota Mom, and that we can share the same day to reflect on our Mom’s together.

I wake up every day next to the love of my life and the perfect small hound and my Mehler-Taylor family continues to give me joy and purpose, and as I have aged, Faith has become more of a center-piece in my soul. The many friends (you) who supported me during my Mom’s challenge with cancer have etched their way into my heart forever. With gratitude, love and the joy of the season, Happy Holidays to you! Wishing you good health, and a lovely New Year!

My Mother's Daughter-Thanksgiving Bittersweetness

I am Joni Taylor, daughter of Sonia Mehler. I was the first person to ever call her Mom! And I was also one of her biggest tester's of what we call, "Love, unconditionally". As I have been reflecting daily in my conversations with G-d, (May G-d remember the soul of my Mother...), I'd like to share some excerpts from my journal, since most of you have already heard most of my favorite Mom stories:

"She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went. It's easier to feel the sunlight without them, she said."

This was written to describe her incredible generosity of herself. Her whole self.

During the last few weeks in hospice, I spent as much time as I could with her:

"The day she first told me she was starting to disappear, I didn't believe her and so she stopped and held her hand up to the sun and it was thin like paper in the light and I finally said you seem very calm for a woman who is disappearing and she said she was sad but relieved too after these last few years of trying to keep the pieces of her life in one place. Later on I went to see her again and as I was leaving she put a package in my hand. This is the last piece of my life she said. Take good care of it, and she smiled and was gone and the room filled with the sound of the wind and when I opened the package there was nothing there and I thought there must be some mistake or maybe I dropped it and I got down on my hands and knees and looked until the light began to fade, and then slowly I felt pieces of my life fall away and suddenly I began to understand what she meant and I lay there for a long time crying and laughing at the same time."

And to sum up how I feel right now:

"There was a whole world here once, but some of the smaller parts left on personal business and it's not that easy to find replacements".

I can not imagine having a different Mom or a different experience. My life, with all of it's imperfection, was perfect for me because of my Mom. She was perfect for me and without her, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I am my Mother's Daughter.

Some Vegas Photo's

So my laptop died and I lost all my email addresses. Well, not lost, but hopefully waiting for my restore to work. Thought I'd post some photo's from Vegas 2009 Interbike.

Sunny's Heart

May G-D remember the soul of my Mother...

Sure things and guarantees

One of the sure signs that I am growing up, is that while I remain idealistic and optimistic about life (can't help it!), I am also realistic in understanding that things won't always be as easy as I would like them to be, or turn out exactly how I hope they will. And while I can't write the book on what is going to happen in my life before it does, I can certainly live my life such that when things don't go "my way", I can always know that I have lived each day to it's fullest. Did my very best. Had whole intentions on getting up that climb, made my sales goals, ran as far and as fast as I could, honored my husband, enjoyed an evening walk with my small hound.

At the back of every thought, wish, and hope these days is the miracle that my Mom will feel good. She's doing everything she's supposed to do, and while the doc's are still baffled and can't find the cancer---there are so many poison's and chemicals from years of chemo, that her body is really challenging her to a new level. And as she is challenged, so am I.

I spent a lovely week in Paradise (a.k.a. the San Francisco Bay Area)! It was not only successful, but rich in the things that matter---like relationships with the folks that will mean something to me for the rest of my days. Family and friends. (Jeff, Dave, Kathy, Scotty, Alan, Bernie---you guys really don't know how good it is to see you). I have to remember to start my big sales campaign summers this way, as it settles down my nerves and makes me realize that while my circle of influence may be small in the big picture of life, it is large with love, good wishes and people that make my life very special.

And at the back end of these thoughts, is that there are no guarantees. No sure things in this world. If you have your health, you have everything. Eating right and exercising and Faith are no sure things that life will be easy. But they will help you be strong enough to deal with whatever gets tossed at you, and they also make it easy for people to be supportive of whatever challenges come your way. Wear a helmet, take care of your heart, your soul...and always believe. Go Mom! Happy Sunday!

P.S. Thanks to all who signed my dedication page on the livestrong sight!

http://www.livestrongaction.org/node/3625